As a child, I often heard that all human interactions can be reduced to the Golden Rule: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
Regrettably, life has taught me that, not only does this fall short of implementation, it’s not even an adequate framework, to begin with. In the course of writing my book, Read This to Get Smarter, I became hyper-aware of the fact that many of us are taught to understand ourselves and each other based on assumptions and biases and it’s not working.
Expectations about what and who we are “supposed to be'' are routinely projected onto us without our knowledge, consent, or participation. We likewise project these expectations onto others without an awareness that we are doing this harm. The expectations include and extend beyond who you should love, how you should live, what you should wear, how you should talk and the pressure is suffocating. What does it mean for us to even breathe when we are policed for when, how often, and in what manner we take each breath.
Blair Imani
Photo By Texas Isaiah for Naaya
Society, family, religion, government, media and other institutions often compel us to perform a version of ourselves that is deemed “acceptable” and many of us are forced to play that part as a matter of comfort or survival. We code switch, we remain closeted, we allow the assumptions that surround us to go unchallenged--rarely because we want to but because the power to do otherwise has been denied us.
How much of your identity has been decided by others and how much has been determined by you? In an ideal world the way you understand yourself would be honored by the people and the systems around us but we are not there yet. Identity is often divided into personal identity, the ways we understand ourselves, and social identity, the ways others understand us. We must remember that when society doesn't recognize us for who we know ourselves to be and instead prioritizes the ways they perceive us, it’s not a failure on the part of the individual but a failure on the part of a society propped up by assumptions and oppressive social constructions.
For marginalized people, the power to declare who we are and to do so on our terms is often denied as a core feature of systemic oppression. Entire movements, from the Harlem Renaissance to queer liberation to Black Lives Matter, have been sparked by the simple demand that marginalized people be able to define ourselves as human beings in the midst of dehumanization.
Blair Imani
Photo By Texas Isaiah for Naaya
Every single person that has ever been and will ever be, does life differently. We each have a unique way of moving whether it’s by walking, skipping, rolling or dancing through life. We communicate differently even when we are speaking or signing the same language or not being verbal at all. The truth is that there are multitudinous ways that humans can exist, but oppressive systems like patriarchy, white supremacy, colonization, and ableism dictate and legislate a narrow frame of what is and is not allowed.
At 28 years old I am still discovering things about myself. I am working to unshackle myself from arbitrary societal expectations while simultaneously working to hold space for young people who are forced to form their self-understanding under the crushing pressure of oppression like I was. While my parents and support system worked tirelessly to provide me with the carefree childhood that is so often denied to Black queer girls and other racialized and marginalized youth, I still had to form my sense of self while being held down by systems of oppression. It would have been infinitely easier to grow up without feeling like I had to justify my existence.
Today my introspective monologue responds to every internal compulsion to conform to these societal expectations with an inquiry as to whether I want to participate in that expectation at all. It is a process that everyone deserves to explore. Every opportunity for me to choose something for myself and not because society demands that I choose it is a win and a way to honor myself. As I navigate that internal journey I am also working toward a world where no one feels as though others need to perform society's expectations unless that is something genuinely chosen by us and on our terms. A world without respectability or proximity to colonizers as a prerequisite for being seen and treated as a human being. We do not need to “earn” respect or dignity. The fact that we pull air into our lungs is enough. The fact that we are human is enough.
Blair Imani
Photo By Texas Isaiah for Naaya
With my new book, Read This to Get Smarter, I posit the ancient Bantu philosophy of ubuntu as the key to unlocking a more compassionate and humanist way of interacting with our fellow human beings. It is how I approach all of my interactions. In my experience, if it is placed at the forefront of interpersonal communication the role of bias starts to unravel. Ubuntu can be translated into “I am because you are,” “Humanity toward others,” and “mutual respect.” It is the revolutionary idea that even when we are at odds with someone or in conflict, we can still honor the fact that they are a human being deserving of mutual respect and dignity. It means not dehumanizing others just because they do not conform to our interpretation of life. Ubuntu is also a reminder that we do not always require a new philosophy to solve an old problem, sometimes we simply need a decolonial (or in this case precolonial) approach.
We are born and brought up in a world that has often decided so much about us without giving us a chance to express ourselves or even understand ourselves on our own terms. As we let go of the assumptions we’ve made about others and free ourselves from the expectations placed on us we will be able to breathe freely without the burden of having to breathe or live in a manner deemed acceptable by long-dead colonizers. A better human experience can only come from a better understanding and learning is a blessing.